Friday, August 14, 2015
Controlling Impulse Through Emotional Intelligence And Self-Awareness
What is impulse control? How do we bring intelligence to emotion?
When feeling
overwhelmed it is easier to lose touch with rationality; how can we cope? Things so often need to be a balance. Learning early on how to handle emotions in a
healthy manner can be beneficial in the long run. This awareness can help us acknowledge our
emotions and choose a healthy response.
Watching two
brothers prepare to ride their bikes down a steep grassy slope, I see the older
brother quickly descend, brake to a stop and celebrate his victory. Turning around to encourage his younger
brother (on a smaller bike) he says “Go for it!” The younger boy not having as much motor
control accelerates down the hill, wobbles, swerves and crashes…hard. He was not ready for such speed and lost
control. The impulse to follow his brother’s
lead overcame any rational thought about the danger.
Other times
fear can be the irrational side and prevents a person from taking on a rewarding
opportunity. Much of emotional
intelligence comes from knowing when to use self-restraint and when to express
emotions. To use the video posted on SmartGamesAndToys page on Facebook
as an example, the father is encouraging his son to be brave while getting his
shots. He was encouraging him to conquer
his fear. There are times to cry and that’s
okay but there are times to move forward despite of fear. Each individual has to determine how best to
express or restrain each emotion in the current moment and this is done through
self-awareness. Is fear appropriate in
the moment or is moving forward the course of action? Up to you!
John Wayne says, “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up
anyway.”
But perhaps that younger brother would have been better off to tell his older sibling to take a hike, and that he was not ready for that hill. Proper impulse control takes practice and self-awareness.
Parents can
help their children by talking with them in emotional situations and letting
them make decisions after thinking through options. Games like puzzles help this
process.
In Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence” he claims there are ways to subdue our most destructive and self-defeating emotional impulse and habits. And he suggests that there is a window of opportunity for shaping children’s emotional habits. In essence emotional control and balance can influence our well being and even our health. We are not just at the mercy of our genetics and our temperament. We can learn and shape our emotional circuits and become more emotionally intelligent. So childhood is a critical period for building a foundation of healthy emotional habits. Pioneering parents will teach their children these skills early so they may excel to success. If there is a remedy to the claims of a more troubled younger generation it is through preparation and practice of emotional intelligence. Don’t’ leave it to chance; work with your children now.
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